Am i...pregnant?

Hahaha takde la surprise sgt pon sbb memang plan utk dapat another baby for next year.

Umur dah 31 hoi bila lagi kan.

Lagipon orang kata tak elok la jarak sgt or dekat sgt.

So i think 3 years gap will be just nice.

Umar dah 2 tahun 3 bulan.

So it just about time.

Yang penting umar dah wean off.

Perancangan Allah tuh terbaik.

Memang betul kita merancang Allah tentukan.

Nak ikotkan nak wean off umar tuh punyalah lama, tp baru 4 minggu lepas berjaya sepenuhnya.

Aku tak check pregnancy test lagi.

Tapi sbb 2 minggu stgh period lambat, and badan rasa bloated/ berangin2 gitu mmg confirm la tu.

Rasa loya tu sikit2 la ada kalau lambat makan/ isi perut.

So memang cnfirm la tu.

Paling best skg favourite food adalah roti letak hirisan cheese dan sosej and sos tomato pastu bakar.

Fuhhh dapnye.

So craving for cheese.

Orang kata kalau mengidam tu maksudnye body kita kurang nutrisi tu.

So maybe i need more iron la tu.

5 hari berturut2 snack ptg aku makan tu.

Umar aku baru introduce makan benda tu spy senang sekali arung je aku buat snack petang dia.

Mula2 dia reject, pastu da makan, bukan main suka keep on ckp "nak". Sabo je la.

Esok nak topup cheese, sos tomato and sosej. Dapnye.

Lain2 masih terlalu awal.

Tapi aku harap aku tak makan nasi terlampau byk.

Mengikut pregnancy lepas, aku overweight dari carta kenaikan berat badan sepatutnya masa pregnant.

Dulu time umar, before pregnant, is 49kg. Sebelom beranak 68kg kahkahkah. Kan ke kenaikan dekat 20kg tu.

Berat umar 3.23 kg je.

Naseb la berpantang bebetul n breastfeed some more dapat la 49kg balik.

Aku tak sempat nak beli pregnancy test la sbb last weekend bz go here n there.

Pastu weekdays stranded kat rumah, alip kol 8lebey baru smpai rumah.

Tak sampai ati nak drag dia g farmasi. Kol 10mlm kitorg dah call off the day. Betapa tua nya badan skg. Insyaallah weekend ni nak beli and check pregnancy test and nanti bebila g klinik.

Apapon aku bersyukur sgt2 aku mengandung kat rumah kali ni.

Boleh baring anytime i want smbil layan umar je.

Buat on9 business ngadap ipad je.

Dulu time umar kan kjr kat opis punya la looking fw kol 5.30ptg haha.

Nak nap tghari bukannye selesa sgt.

Syukur ya Allah atas keadaan skg.

So setiap kali umar jerit nak dukung time aku tgh masak pon aku berzikir je la dlm hati smbil dukung dia smbil masak haha sbb bagi aku it still better than be in the office.

Aku gigih masak setiap hari sbb kalau tak nak makan apa dong. Lakiku dah la balik mlm. Hehe lawan je rasa loya tu sambil baca Lailahailaantasubhanakainnikuntuminazzalimin. 

Tentang umar

Umar bulan 1 ni kitorg nak anto ke playschool. Dekat ngn rumah je. Harap ada rezeki hantar situ.

Skg memang dia da byk ckp, so aku pon da start potty train dia 2 hari lepas.

Sbnrnye nak start 2 minggu lepas, tp lepas arwah mama pergi, aku take time utk ok, so minggu ni baru aku bersemangat nak train umar.

Alhamdulillah ok la first day ada la incident terkencing kat carpet pastu ok dah kencing kat toilet.

2nd day, terberak kat dlm seluar time aku tgh nap. Huwaaa time aku jaga punyala 10x bwk g toilet ok je x berak. Time aku nap boleh plak nak berak.

Cmne aku boleh nap time umar tido. Harini waktu nap umar haywire.

Dia bangun seawal 7.30 pagi. Nap pukul 1-2ptg je. Geram je aku. Tak smpat aku nak rest.

So aku terpaksa nap jap sbb dah weng penat. So there goes my 5 mins nap?

Haha and it's gonna be 2 soon.

Umar kan dia mempunyai masalah takot mandi shower.

So sbb malas aku nak layan drama dia nangis time mandi lagi, skg aku kasi dia mandi dlm bath tub balik.

Bukan main suka taknak kua dari toilet plak.

Tp bagusla. Dari melalak kan.

Aku tengok dia in better mood, tak cranky lepas berendam mandi lama.

Aku la penat nak melayan. Tp ok je dari layan dia nangis horror tol apa ntah neighbour aku pk kan.

Mesti dorg kata aku tak pandai jaga anak hahaha.

Lepas dia 2 tahun ni dia da tahu tantrum.

Menakutkan. Dulu aku selalu pk tantrum tu cmne.

Now rasa la haha.

Takpe ni temporary je aku percaya nti da masuk playschool ok la tu.

Mak tak sabar uollls. 4 hours of my me time!!!! Huhuu

Btw thank you for all the wishes regarding my mil passed away.

So i thought i was tough

Until this 2 days i keep on cry when im alone.

Actually takde istilah alone sbb aku sentiasa dengan umar n dah start busy balik uruskan business.

Cuma...bila time waktu solat and waktu nak tido...mesti aku rasa sedih sgt.

The memory that nite keep on coming.

Masa dapat news a day before mama pergi kan, time yang alip dapat news dari doc tu, aku sedih sgt mlm tu aku tros solat hajat n baca yassin.

Masa the next day, aku senyap2 whatsapp adik bongsu alip suh balik dari boot camp takot dia tak sempat jumpa mama.

Alhamdulillah mira tros balik sempat jumpa mama.

Masa nak pack brg balik, aku siap letak dlm luggage besar, husband nye instinct mcm nak jaga mama lama kat hospital, instinct aku, mungkin kena dok bangi few days if anythg happen...

Siap aku nak bawakkan baju melayu husband siap2 tapi husband in the room nanti dia pelik. So aku tak pack baju melayu dia. Cuma aku berkali2 pesan suh dia bawak byk baju balik.

Aku tau, semua tuh Allah yang gerakkan hati aku.

Aku tau semua ni take time untuk aku boleh ok sbb aku nampak semua depan mata kan.

I even cant go to bangi today. Dorg buat tahlil untuk family dekat rumah je sbb malam jumaat.

Lepas arwah mama g dah buat tahlil 3 malam kat surau.

Alip kata kalau aku nak g, jumpa kat bangi. Sbb dia kjr kan. Lepas kjr plan dia tros dia nak ke sana.

Tapi aku suh alip je g.

Aku betul2 rasa lemah rasa nak pegang stereng pon aku tak mampu. Aku tak rasa aku mampu nak drive sendiri tadi.

Aku bukan la jenis yang lemah2 ni.

Aku rasa semangat aku masih lemah. I need time to get tru this.

Last 2 weekend arwah mama and the rest baru je dtg rumah aku makan soto ayam.

Tak sangka tu yang terakhir kali aku dapat serve untuk mama.

Walaupon tak sihat, arwah mama still teman papa dtg johor dtg wedding adik aku bulan 4 haritu.

Okla takmo terkenang byk sgt nanti hidung tersumbat takle tido lagi.

Selepas mama pergi...

Some of you might already know what happen n some may not know yet.

So im just gonna put screenshot here rajin2 baca kie..

Alfatihah untuk mama.

Now lets talk about what happened that nite and after that sad day.

- my phone was out of credit so i tried to call family members using the hospital phone but the nurse said it was not direct call. So the nurse just lend me her handphone to call the family members. May Allah bless her kindness.

- day 1 seems difficult to everyone since not sleep all day long and at the same time visitors keep on coming till day 3. But we are so thankful for all the prayers and doas. 

- umar's fever gone on day 2 arwah mama passed away. On day 1, because he had fever, he didnt cranky at the hospital and sleep quite long from 4am until 9am. I am somehow thankful as i have enough time to read yassin few time, help the family members untuk uruskan jenazah and all. Tho too weng that day not sleep as having too much coffee. 

- everyone looks better in day 2 as had enough sleep. Visitors came, i clean up the fridge, SILs clean up the houses, and other family members help the whatsnot.

- we became more open on discussing what to do after this. Everyone seems supportive towards each other. Definitely not easy as arwah mama is the heart of the house. Coudnt imagine the next raya and all. But life must goes on.

- it was easy for me to sleep on the pass 2 nites because umar had a fever and im so tired handling him by the end of the day. But yesterday it was tough for me to sleep as the flash of the memory keep on coming. I able to sleep when umar wake up and wants me to hug him to sleep. Im glad as it helps me to sleep too.

- today is better. Insyaallah tomorrow ill be ready to promote back my items on my on9 shop. I still manage to entertain customer nye order in those difficult time pass 3 days.

- we all just hantar baju self laundry tuh. Im glad finally found 1 that near to our house. So no stress at all handling kain baju after balik rumah sendiri.

Okla da ngntuk dah alhamdulillah. Found old picture of this:-

Papa n mama with umar masa kecik. Time ni mama masih sihat.

Takde gambar baru arwah mama n umar sbb umar lepas setahun memang tak memberi kerjasama langsung untuk bergambar. Mesti shaking la hapela nyampah.

My husband pon da ok and esok dia da start naik kjr. 

Semoga Allah kuatkan semangat kami semua setiap hari selepas ini.